A Place to Belong: Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter XXIX

Rising Sun

Baroness Natalia Sharpe, my sire, the woman who managed to secure the Queen City under her thumb during the chaos of hurricanes and a mass exodus of the Camarilla, stared at me with fear in her eyes. She glanced over to Lucian and I could see the wheels turning in her mind. If she released him, he would kill all four of us easily, though Diego would definitely give him a run for his money. Problem with that plan is that she would also be killed by the ravenous beast he’d become, he’d be set out into her city, and she would be, post-humorously, exposed. Complete and utter destruction of her reputation and worse, in her opinion, Lucian’s as well. 

“You promised me Lucian and I would live through this night,” she said to me, the feral panic of a cornered animal in her eyes. “You’re an honest sort, you wouldn’t betray your word.” 

For a moment, I saw her eyes flicker to Isadora and anger flared in my chest. The beast slammed against its bars: How DARE she try to use her as a means to manipulate us? Make her see that death is a kinder alternative! Make her CRAVE it!

I dismissed the voice, but it took a great deal of effort. Instead, I steadied myself, regaining my composure and nodding at Natalia. 

“I did make you that promise, yes,” I confirmed, turning to Isadora and pointing at the mask. “Apply it to Lucian, please.” 

“What is she doing?” Natalia asked, her power waning as her mind began to race with the fear of losing her sire. “You said it judges the dead!”

“Yes,” I told her, reaching out and gently touching her shoulder, pulling her attention back to me, and managing to feed my own power through her as a conduit to keep her restraints on Lucian intact without her noticing. “But Isadora wore it and stands before you now. It offers a path back for those whose humanity is damaged. Trust that I know exactly what I’m doing. After all, you honed me for this exact purpose, didn’t you?”

Natalia nodded and held her ground as Isadora reached up and pressed the mask to Lucian’s twisted face. It fused immediately, and Lucian’s body went rigid. My sire’s strength gave out at that exact moment, as I immediately ceased providing the support that helped her hold on. I didn’t want her mind entering the mask with Lucian’s as mine had with Isadora. Instead, we just stood there and watched for a long moment as the Veil of Veii did its work. Natalia, too weak now to support herself, slid to her knees, still clutching me as she stared at him. 

“What’s happening?” she asked, more begged, as she watched Lucian stand still as a statue, his muscles beginning to sag and he set down on his haunches, arms wrapping around his legs. She nearly leapt forward as he slipped backwards, falling on his rump before collapsing, spread-eagle on the ground. “You said he would live!”

“And he did,” I nodded, looking over his still and limp body. “He’s just in torpor. It would seem that he did not pass the mask’s tests as we did.” 

“Tests?” Natalia asked, looking up at me. “What do you mean, tests?”

“He was judged,” Isadora explained, looking over at Lucian with pity in her eyes. “As I was, and as Grey was. I used the mask to save us from a spirit-wielding Garou by the name of Sorrow-of-Ages. The power was incredible, but the cost would have been my soul had I not been able to walk the path of my life and death, facing what had been, at the time, some of the most painfully human moments I’d experienced. Without Grey’s support, I never would have been able to pull myself back from the brink and recover my humanity. It seems Lucian was like me, unable to walk that path alone.” 

Natalia’s eyes flashed with anger as she turned to me, her fangs bared. 

“You! You pulled me away! Severed our connection!” She shouted, accusing me of exactly what I’d done. “I could have been with him! I could have saved him! I could have pulled him back!” 

“No,” I said, bluntly. “You’d just be with him in this fate, and I need you for my plan to work. So I won’t allow you to just commit suicide, or the closest facimile our beasts will allow us to reproduce.” 

“You don’t know that!” she cried, beating her fist against my leg. “You don’t know I couldn’t have saved him…”

“I do. Because you weren’t able to do it before,” I said, and the words struck her like a physical blow. Natalia’s eyes went wide as she fell back, sitting on her feet as she stared up at me, then her gaze dropped as she stared into nothingness. She was vulnerable, and I didn’t hold back. 

“You had months, years probably, to save him. But you enabled him. Supported his dream so much that you failed to see his reality. And you would have done the exact same thing if we’d let you walk beside him in his spiritual journey, because you never walked beside him. You were never his equal, not in his mind, and not in yours. You were his pet. His yes-man. His rubber duck that would nod when appropriate and tell him what a good job he was doing, how valuable his work was, and support whatever foolish endeavor he was pursuing because you thought that was what love was.” 

Natalia didn’t move. She sat and stared, my words washing over her, causing her to flinch not just because of their harshness, but because of the truth she was now being forced to face. Tears of blood began to silently stream down her face, unaccompanied by sobs or shaking shoulders, just her body’s reaction to being seen for what she was all along: a devoted fanatic who’d wasted her own life in an attempt to help someone else waste theirs. 

“Why didn’t you just let me die?” she asked, slowly, not looking up at me. “It would have been kinder. You’re kind. Why didn’t you just let me die?”

“Because you’re wrong. I’m not kind,” I said to her, my voice cold and calculated. “I have the capacity for kindness, but at my core I am not a kind person. I am a cruel monster, always have been, even when I was alive. The difference is I was, and am, a monster with a code.” 

She scoffed a little as I said that, either from disbelief or because it made perfect sense to her. I couldn’t tell which, and I wasn’t sure if she could either. 

“What kind of code do monsters like us live by?” she asked. 

“I can’t speak for you, but I can tell you my own,” I said, kneeling down to look at her, grabbing her chin and making her look into my eyes. “I assume that people are innocent. That people are well meaning. And using that as a baseline, I assume that they deserve kindness and care. When I get to know people and they reinforce that belief, I would go through hell and back to make sure that they’re cared for, that they’re safe, and that no harm comes to them.” 

I nod over my shoulder at Diego, Isadora, and Callie. 

“Each one of them earned that from me. I learned what made each of them tick, and learned exactly what made them worthy of kindness. Diego was told he was weak because others were scared of his strength. I needed him to learn that you can’t always trust what others tell you, and so through my actions, and many more of his own, he grew confident enough to trust his own instincts and discover what his strengths were without my help. 

“Isadora felt she was undeserving of love because she was a monster. She hurt people. She was isolated away from anyone who could have loved her, and the people that should have loved her didn’t. Instead, they abandoned her. Kindness taught her that she was deserving, to the point where she demonstrated it in such a profound way that she nearly died in order to make sure I didn’t experience what she had been forced to go through. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of love or devotion, and if you think I’d ever let anyone harm her, you’re sorely mistaken. For her, I’d fight Cain himself. 

“Even Callie, who betrayed me, who planned to betray me, and put the other two in danger because of her actions, she has my protection and support. Do you know why? Because she feels remorse for her actions. She was acting in the only way she knew, the only thing she could do to ensure her survival. She had no reason to trust me, or anyone, so I didn’t take offense from her actions. Callie just wanted to protect what she loved, and nearly died in doing it. That makes her like me, and I can respect that. And now I can support her in that endeavor because our interests are finally aligned.

“And what did you do?” I asked her, watching as her eyes grew wide with fear and understanding. “What did you do to me? You used me, manipulated me, abused my trust, and placed those I care for in danger specifically because to you we were disposable tools. I get that’s how vampire society works, and I get that you were just playing the game, but that makes you little more than the cog you decided we were in the machine you thought you were running. You felt no remorse because you only saw me as an opportunity, Isadora as a field guide, Callie as a distraction away from your machinations, and Diego as a shield against the storm of Camarilla influence. If any of them were ripped away from me, my rage and anger would be directed at the thing that took them, rather than at you. You had a role for each of them in your mind. So long as they stuck to the script, you’d get everything you could possibly want.” 

I dropped her chin and stood up, staring down at her crumpled form. She knew she was beaten, but she didn’t understand just how thoroughly yet. So now, I expected the counteroffer. 

“If you kill me here,” she said, predictably. “There’s no baroness, who would take control? You? No one would accept you as a baron. There’s no enforcer, no herald, no second in command. The Anarch movement in this city will be dead. The Camarilla will come in, cleanse you all, destroy everything we built, and all these people that you love…” 

Her words reeked of disgust. 

“They’ll all die. So my sweet, baby boy…” Natalia looked up at me, hate burning in her eyes. “What will you do without your mommy dearest to protect you?”

I looked down at her, the beast roaring for me to kill her, to drain her dry, to take every last drop of her vitae as my own and rule over this land like the baron I was born to be. You can do it… you know everything you need to rule the Queen City. The Anarchs will accept you… they have no choice unless they want to be devoured by the Camarilla… the Sabbat… the Garou… they’ll take the leadership you offer without question or they will have their questioning tongues ripped from their heads! Whether it be by the enemy or by you, they’ll have to figure that out for themselves. Hail to the King! Kneel to the Crown!

“Stand in the Sun,” I murmured to myself, finishing the lyrics my beast was alluding to and shaking my head. “Gods, this must be why we’re like this. We think we are so much more civilized than the wights, the mortals, the Garou, when in reality we just let the beast take the reins, don’t we?” 

Looking down at Natalia, seeing the confusion and fear in her eyes, I just smiled and laughed. 

“No, I don’t think I’ll be throwing you into the sun. Nor will I be stepping into it myself today, not in the way the song means,” I smiled, my plan coming to full fruition, though I was wondering if Cassandra’s madness was contagious. 

“What song?” I heard Isadora ask quietly from behind me. I turned and looked at her, seeing the concern growing on her face, as though she was watching her next greatest disappointment about to come crashing down on her. My smile shifted, going from the cruel grin I reserved for Natalia to a much warmer one for Isadora. 

“Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold,” I told her, laughing a little again before saying the lyrics to her in a sign-songy voice. “Blood is spilt while holding keys to the Throne / Born again, but it's too late to atone. / No mercy from the edge of the blade / Dare escape, and learn the price to be paid.”

“What do they mean in your context?” Isadora asked, and I could see her muscles tensing.

“That I’ve had enough with kings, barons, and princes,” I said, sighing and letting my shoulders slump. “That we were raised in a world that denounced the idea of absolute power being granted to anyone. That there is no room in mortal society for despots and dictators. That all a king provides is fear from his subjects and a blade in the dark looking to take all he built away from him. That if we want to live in a society where we’re truly free, we cannot expect this model to grant us our freedom. That regicide will not solve our problems, just ascend the next problem to the throne.” 

I saw Isadora relax slightly, then turn to look at Diego and Callie, who also seemed exceptionally perplexed. 

“Then what are we going to do with her?” Diego asked, shrugging helplessly. “We can’t let her keep ruling over Charlotte as Baroness. Hell, I’m starting to wonder if even having a baroness is a good idea.”

It was Callie though, who caught my attention. She clutched the staff to her chest, her eyes burning into mine, blood tears pouring down her face which was twisted in hatred, anger, and understanding. 

“You bastard,” she said, staring at me and taking a trembling step forward. Callie’s voice rose to a fevered pitch as she began screaming at me. “You absolute fucking bastard! This is your plan? This?”

 “You were always smart, Callie,” I said, grinning at her, though my smile was most definitely a sad one. “Once Marcus was out of the picture I knew you’d start connecting the dots quicker than the others could. Diego thinks too moment to moment, and as much as I respect Isadora, she sees far too far ahead to ever put it all together.” 

“So you’re putting this on me,” Callie said, bitter anger in her voice. “You’re making me do this? Making me do to someone else what he did to me!”

She gestured back at Marcus violently, rage and pain clear on her face. I looked at the husk that had once been her sire and then at the pitiful mess that was my own, and sighed. Looking back up at Callie, I lowered my head. 

“I’m sorry,” I said to her, honestly. “Tell me if you know a better way, but this was the best I could come up with.” 

Callie clutched the staff tightly, screwing her eyes shut and clenching her jaw as well. She was processing, and I gave her the time she needed to. I could see Isadora and Diego shooting looks at each other, each trying to figure out what we were talking about, but falling short of full understanding. I assumed they would, not because of any shortcomings of their own, but because each of us viewed the world differently. Diego was reactionary, looking for the closest problem to solve and being an efficient hammer against the nails that were popping up in front of him. Isadora saw things on a more spiritual level, the long term consequences of actions and how they would affect each individual’s soul. Callie was like me, she was playing chess in her mind with everything around her and making moves while thinking about the cascading effects that were sure to eventually happen. As I watched her think and process, she was coming to the same conclusion I had. 

This was the play. 

“I hate you for this,” she whispered, but the heat had left her voice. “I don’t know if I’ll forgive you for making me do this.” 

“I can try to do it instead,” I offered. “I have some of the power it will take…” 

“No,” Callie cut me off, shaking her head, her tight curls swishing around her head like a funeral shroud. “I have the best chance of success, and we both know it. Do we do it or explain the play?”

“Depends,” I look over at Isadora and Diego. “Plausable deniability, or all in together?”

“Together,” Isadora said, stepping up without hesitation. She gripped my arm, a bit tighter than usual to express her displeasure at being left in the dark, but still with that warm support I was growing to rely on. “And don’t think you need to ask that in the future. Just assume that’s what I want.” 

“Understood,” I said, nodding, then turning up to look at Diego. “What about you, man?”

“Dude, I don’t even fucking know,” he said, exasperated. “Do I want to? Is there less of a chance at me being horribly killed if I don’t know?” 

“Probably not,” Callie said, shrugging. “In for a penny, in for a pound. At least in this case.” 

“Then why ask?” Diego said, stepping forward to stand beside Callie. 

“To give you the illusion of choice?” Callie suggested, a bitter smile on her face.

“It’s not an illusion,” I said, staring at her. “You have a choice. I’ll do it, you’re better, but I’ll do it. Diego can walk out now and not know what we did, be content in his choice for as long as the consequences don’t rear their ugly heads, but there are always going to be consequences. But I will not use you all as pawns. Not like we were used before. We’re part of this together, and while I’ll sometimes hide things from you to protect you or to keep your heads clear of the full weight of what I’m planning, I won’t ever make you do something like this without there being a choice.” 

“What choice is he giving you?” Diego asked Callie, who just shook her head. 

“Some choice,” she said bitterly, looking down at the staff in her hands. “I guess technically we’re not usurping her.” 

“No, we’re not,” I said, turning to look at Natalia. “I am. I claim the Barony of the Queen City. Do you defy me?”

“How can I?” Natalia scoffed, then laughed lightly. “Good luck ruling without the ethos of a true Kindred, baron.”

“I think that’s enough, don’t you?” I asked Callie without turning my eyes from the ex-baroness of Charlotte. Without a word, Callie stepped up, the Scepter of Velianas in her hands. The eyes on the staff flared, bending Natalia to Callie’s will. 

“Bury yourself,” Callie’s words flowed out of her with authority that went beyond anything I could ever muster. Part of me wanted to obey the commands she was giving and I was only in the periphery of her intent. “Bury your wants, your desires, your ambitions deep within yourself. Your only ambition should be to serve the Baron Grey Cardinal. He is your master, and you will obey him. You will act as the Baroness for all intents and purposes of the role, but always with the blessings of your Grey Baron. The true, secret Baron. He will make all rulings, he will make all decrees, and you will act as the figurehead to all his subjects. No one, not one person outside of this inner council will know without his desire, and you will never tell a soul. You are little more than a puppet now. Accept this fate.” 

Natalia’s eyes glazed over as Callie’s words flowed through her. The authority of her Domination power mixed with the power of the Scepter of Velianas made her words akin to the Word of God. There was a shudder that passed through Natalia’s body, as though she were trying to resist the conditioning, but she had spent days using her power to the very limit, and now there was nothing left for her to access. Natalia’s mind was broken, and Callie was the one who chose how the pieces would fit back together. 

“There,” Callie said, sighing with relief and exhaustion. “It’s done… Baron.” 

“You really shouldn’t call me that,” I said, grinning. “You’ll of course take the position Marcus held. It’s only right that the person who he was grooming to take his place one day actually takes it.”

“Your… I mean… Her head advisor?” Callie asked, eyes flicking to Isadora then back to me. “I’m honored, and surprised.” 

“You shouldn’t be surprised,” I said, shrugging. “You’re the best choice for the job. I’m also sure that you’ll be able to find a good replacement for Father Rodrigo and Arthur.” 

“Arthur is easy,” Callie said, looking at Diego. “I think we have our Enforcer right here.” 

“Wait, what?” Diego asked, confused, looking between us. “I’m confused. You want me to be the Enforcer? But didn’t you just say you didn’t want to be baron?”

“He’s making a play, and I think I can follow it,” Isadora said, her eyes, full of concern, looked up at me. “Keep Natalia as baroness, but a puppet to your will. Plant your coterie as members of her council while you run things behind the scenes. Restructure power from your hidden position so you can create the better version while the current power structure is able to protect us from Camarilla and Sabbat influences. Am I correct?”

“Right on the money,” I smiled at her, then looked up at Diego. “Sound good to you? We keep the Anarch movement going until we can build something that keeps the best parts of it while we cut away the things that make it too much like the Camarilla. It may not remain the Anarch movement that saved you before, but together we can build something better. Something greater. Something that will protect everyone, not just those who have the most power.” 

Diego looked at me, skeptically at first, then shook his head. 

“Yeah, if for no other reason than to keep an eye on you,” he said, shaking his head. “You start acting like Marcus, I’ll throw you into the sun myself, sound fair?”

“Probably the fairest threat I’ll ever receive… Enforcer.” I used his new title just to take a dig at him, but offered him my hand as a show of good faith. He just rolled his eyes and accepted my outstretched hand. 

“Grey Cardinal, Grey Baron,” he said, his grip tighter than I remember. “Should have seen this all coming from the beginning. But you kept using shit that I had to google… and I can’t even do that.” 

“Encyclopedia’s exist for a reason,” I said, grinning at him. “Or you can just have someone else google it for you.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” he muttered, then looked at Isadora. “So what’s your role in all this?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she asked, looking back at him. “Spy master, of course.” 

“Of course,” Diego said, rolling his eyes. “Spirits talk, don’t they.” 

“Especially Nosferatu ones,” she said, her eyes drifting over to a spot on the wall where I could see nothing, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything there. “I’m glad to see I didn’t catch you in the crossfire.” 

Diego looked over his shoulder and then back at me. “Who’s she talking to?”

“I don’t know for sure,” I said, smiling. “But I have a suspicion.” 

I looked at that part of the wall as well, hoping that the spirit hadn’t moved away just yet, and nodded my thanks. After a moment, I turned back to Callie.

“Callie, please take Natalia to a place here in the Chantry where she can take the daysleep. You should settle in there as well,” I said, nodding at her. Callie stood, beckoned for Natalia to follow, and walked off, having the thrall of a woman move and act like the Baroness she was no longer. After they’d left, I turned to Diego.  

“Can you carry Lucian to the roof, please. And be careful not to touch his mask. Once you’ve done that, there are a few places here that you can use to hunker down. The sun is going to rise soon,” I asked, and Diego moved without question to carry Lucian’s body to the roof, all of us knowing the fate that awaited him. 

“I thought you promised her that he would live through the night. And many others if your plan worked,” Isadora asked, a sharp note in her voice. 

“I did, and he’ll live through this night. Just not the day,” I said, though there was no note of victory in my voice. “And my plan didn’t work. If it had, Lucian would be sane enough to question. To learn from. I still don’t know what this damned power of his is going to do to me.” 

Isadora looked at me, appearing startled by the revelation. 

“You meant to save him? Save them both?” she asked. 

“That was Plan A, yes,” I admitted. “We’re somewhere in Plan E at this point.”

“Is there a Plan M?” she asked, jokingly. 

“Yeah, Natalia dies in Plan M,” I joked back. 

“I like Plan M,” Isadora said, and I wasn’t sure if she’d caught my reference or if she would have legitimately been happy to see Natalia die tonight. Regardless, I needed to finish the plan before getting the sleep I needed as well. 

“Go find a place for the daysleep,” I told her, patting her arm gently. “I have one last thing to do before I join you.” 

“Join me?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at me. “Scandalous.”

I smiled a small, sad smile at her, and her joking expression vanished almost instantly. 

“I’m going to need you when tomorrow night begins,” I said to her, seriousness in my voice. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tell you why, but I’m going to be vulnerable. I just need your support, if you’re willing to give it.” 

“Of course,” she answered, again with zero hesitation, and I felt the honesty in her words wash over me like a salve. I walked her to the chambers where we could stay and waited for her to close her door before walking up the stairs to the roof. Diego was waiting for me there, as if expecting me to come. 

“You told me not to touch the mask,” he said, looking at me as I approached. “How do you plan to get it back? I can’t imagine you’d let such a powerful object sit around out there surrounded by embers for any curious maintenance guy or bored college student to find.” 

“You’d be correct,” I said, steeling myself as I watched the sky begin to grow pink through the open door. Diego stepped back a pace or two, sensing the sun reaching out over the sky. 

“Dude, the beast won’t let us walk willingly into the sun,” he said, an urgency in his voice. “And you’ll burn up in seconds out there. Everything’s coming together for you, don’t…” 

“I’m not going to kill myself, Diego,” I said to him as I watched the sunlight spill over the horizon, its rays catching the edges of Lucian’s body, causing it to begin to burn. “But I needed you here to see this.” 

“See your grandsire burn?” Diego asked, a note of panic, potentially frenzy entering his voice. “Please, come back… we’ll send a ghoul, we’ll do something…” 

“No, Diego,” I said, watching as Lucian’s body burned away like flash paper, catching quickly and burning brightly, surrounding the mask, which being made out of clay and bronze was fine. Flames danced behind its empty eyes, as if hinting at my own judgement, and I wondered how long it would be until it would be my time to face it. 

“I need you to see that I will never ask anything of you that I would not be willing to do myself,” I said, stepping onto the roof, the heat of the sun burning my skin. 

The beast howled in its cage, trying to force me to flee, to run like the wounded animal I was, but I resisted. I defied my bane and stepped forward onto the roof, staring into the sun as if into the eyes of God himself. Kneeling down, feeling my skin begin to crack and peel, I scooped the mask up and stood again. Slowly and deliberately I turned my back on the sun and stepped back into the darkness of the building, kicking the doorstop as I went, closing off the sun behind me. 

“What… what the fuck was that?” Diego asked, fear tinging his voice for the first time in a while. Probably since that night we sat on the belltower and looked over the city.

“I spent my whole life feeling weak,” I told him, patting out the flames on my hoodie while trying to ignore the blackened skin on my hand. I surged my blood, forcing it to heal, and saw pink flesh beginning to grow under the cracked, burning skin. “So I focused my unlife on being stronger. Not your kind of strength, but the kind that I lacked. The ability to shrug off slights, pain, and pressure. I spent too long allowing others to define me and how I felt. I won’t let the Camarilla do it, I won’t let the Anarchs do it, and I sure as hell won’t let the beast Natalia planted in my head do it.”

I turned to face Diego, the first friend I met in death, and smiled. 

“And now I hope you know that I’m not going to let power do it to me either.” 

He didn’t answer me, not with words at least. Instead, Diego took my arm and brought it over his shoulder, supporting me as we walked back down the stairs to the Chantry saferooms. As we walked, we didn’t speak, I just began to whistle as we walked, a slow, dirge-like rendition of a familiar song. 

“Here comes the sun,” I sang under my breath. “Do do do dooo.”