Who Am I Reflection
Last chapter of this book, and whoo boy this was one hell of a month of writing. Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t write every day, and I didn’t finish this on the 31st, I actually finished it a few days earlier than that. Though, I did go back the day I wrote this reflection to edit, revise, and reread the work. I have to say, while I do think the characters still have a lot of growth to do (and if WoD doesn’t do MoD again, I’ll make my own damn list of prompts to write the next book), I actually really liked where everyone ended up.
Given the prompt of this chapter, Who I Am, I wanted to play a little bit with the things that make me who I am. I started off with a little color theory, because I love WAYPN (What Are You Painting Now) on YouTube, and I do love painting miniatures, so getting the chance to explore the color theory behind Grey was a lot of fun, though Diego is right about overthinking it sometimes. While color has meaning, and we see it a lot in the world, sometimes a black suit just looks badass, and other times it just feels like a monkey suit.
Moving on to the plan, that oh so ambitious plan, I think it reveals a lot more about me and Grey than I really thought at first glance. With all the No Kings marches and the toppling of fascism around the world (which we need more of, wave that Strawhat flag!), I think that there have to be some dreamers out there in the WoD that would want to see a New Constantinople. I have a friend who I played with for a long time who would most definitely want that to happen, considering how angry he gets when I sing that They Might Be Giants song. No, not Dr. Worm.
As I researched what Constantinople was in the WoD, I started finding myself really feeling that this was the best possible outcome for Kindred in this world, which makes sense why it failed. We can’t have good things in WoD! They need to be dark and terrible! And that’s not really all that sarcastic, they really do need to be dark and terrible. The whole point is trying to survive the darkness for the sake of what’s worth living for. But a person like Grey wouldn’t be satisfied in just survival. I know that because I’m not satisfied with it either. I want the world to be a better world, a brighter world, for all people to feel safe and secure, not just the parasites at the top of the food chain in the Ivory Tower, not the little lordlings who managed to carve out a fiefdom they can rule over to feel important in a world that cares nothing for them, and not just for those who escape reality to seclude themselves in ideology just to claim some level of superiority. The Camarilla, Anarchs, and Sabbat are all the same power structure wearing different masks, and that’s obvious to anyone on the outside looking in, as well as plenty on the inside who notice, but don’t want to make waves.
And I’m sure Grey isn’t the only one who is disgusted by that power structure. I know I would be too. As John Kenneth Galbraith once said: “Under Capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it’s just the opposite.” The power structures that rule over us, whether they be real or fictional, are all the same, they are a means of seizing power from the masses and giving it to the few. Democracy and Dictatorship are looking quite similar to each other in America today… though in fairness, we’ve never been a democracy. We were originally a Democratic Republic, then became an oligarchy, then a kleptocracy, and we’re moving at light speed to a dictatorship.
What does any of this have to do with Who I Am? Well, I’m Grey, and he’s me, and just as he’s doing in the World of Darkness, my Queen City by Night, I believe needs to happen here in the real world as well. We can’t go back, COVID has shown us as much. We aren’t going forward. We’re trapped between a rock and a hard place and either we need to accept that America as it was built is dead and gone, fallen in only 250 years… or we need to do what it really takes to fix what’s broken. Cut out the cancer, and let the country heal. Build something new on the foundation of what we learned from what was ruined. I don’t have the power Grey does. I cannot rally people to fight for a cause that supports rather than oppresses them, but I can speak my mind and say aloud that who I am is a man who wants a secure future for his family and friends, a person who believes in what he was taught this country stood for, and someone whose eyes have been opened to the fact that it hasn’t ever been that beacon of light in the world.
Who I am is someone who wishes badly to see us course correct and become something worthy of respect and admiration in the world, not through strength of arms, but through feats of humanitarianism. I’m not a soldier ready to die for a cause, I’m like Grey, a scholar who was forced into a conflict he wanted nothing to do with, but would be damned if he did nothing about it.
That’s who I am.
Now the question remains.
Who are you?
