The Power Within Reflection

Okay, I’ll be honest with you. 

I haven’t even reread the chapter yet as I started writing this. 

I loved writing these chapters. I had so much fun. The Doom soundtrack went on immediately and I just cut loose with Diego as I’ve been dying to do since I created the character. My mains in VtM are Tremere, Tzimiche, and Lasombra. Getting to channel my inner Nicodemus Archleone crossed with Master Chief made me so fucking happy I can barely string together the words. 

Okay, I’m going to go read it now, back in a second, and I’ll be able to give you my full reflection. 

                                      *                                                                                                                                                                *                                                                                                                                                                        *

Aaaaaand back. 

So this entire chapter was me getting to play with the power fantasy everyone has. We’ve all seen the movies where the powerful protagonist takes out a group of assholes who clearly have it coming. If we didn’t love it, John Wick wouldn’t have gotten four movies (and I think there’s a fifth on the way?). Carl and his Ghoul Squad were meant to be hated, and no, the suggestion of their dialogue wasn’t a coincidence. There is a group of people I hate more than anything in the world, and they were the unlucky bastards that got to represent this group. 

This was also my first chance to really enjoy Diego and Callie to their fullest. Neither is constrained by the expectations of their clans and sires anymore, but rather have taken to shedding off the restraints that had kept them obedient to dogma rather than willing to cut loose and be who they are. Callie not only got to be tactical and use her powers how she chose, but she also got to get her hands dirty in a way that had been denied her for so long that she’d become terrified of being anything like the rest of the coterie, believing she couldn’t be. And Diego finally accepted that his powers may have been given to him by his sire, but he was able to choose how he used them. Throwing off the “generational trauma” of guilt, fear, and isolation. 

Callie and Diego: Power Couple?

So we’ll start with the elephant in the room: am I shipping Callie and Diego. Well, I had zero intention of it when the characters were created. Usually goth girl and golden lab go together, but since the goth girl is busy elsewhere, the golden retriever and boss babe kinda ended up spending a lot more time together than I expected. Again, part of this book was planned, while other parts of it just kind of evolved naturally given the prompts of the event. Since Diego and Callie ended up in the same group, their personalities got to sit with one another for a while, and this is what came out. 

Will they continue to build their relationship romantically, or will it just be an “I got your back and I know you’ve got mine” kind of deal? That I haven’t really decided on yet. They do work well together, both smart in different ways, but while one is the face and the other is the bod, neither should be underestimated. I do look forward to exploring them more in the future, but there’s no guarantee that this is going to be a thing. I’m still in the ‘getting to know you’ state with these characters, and Diego just flipped his whole script. 

There’s only one way to be a man

This comment could be taken poorly if not understood. “A real man” is usually how a sentence I know I’m going to disrespect starts. “A real man eats this,” or “a real man doesn’t drink that,” and a personal favorite, “a real man would perform a behavior that is stupid but benefits me, so I’m going to attack your masculinity in an attempt to manipulate you!” 

So you’re probably going to be surprised when I have the gall to tell you what a real man would or would not do. Diego here is realizing that there is one thing that a real man does, and it shouldn’t offend anyone. To be a real man, you need to stand by your convictions. 

Don’t believe me? Well then, let us go to the epitome of healthy masculinity for the answer: The Lord of the Rings. Now, looking that this movie, each man is different, each man’s convictions are different, but each man holds on to them. 

Aragorn: Love and duty. He loves Arwen, but is honor bound to do what is best for those around him. He goes off on the journey, telling him to leave and forget him because he knows that she would be better off with her people than with him, because to stay with him would be to have to one day die. When all is said and done, and Arwen returns to him, he honors her love by accepting that he cannot control her fate, but can control his own, and chooses the happy life they desire, now that he’s served the duty he needed to. 

Boramir: Honor. While he slipped up and tried to get the ring from Frodo, Boramir recognizes how he has been corrupted by the ring, and seeks atonement for his mistakes by ensuring that he upholds his oath to protect the ringbarrer. He fights on, with arrows sticking out of his chest, because he knows he’s failed, and cannot die until he’s done all he can to regain his honor. 

Samwise the Brave: Integrity. Sam, the TRUE hero of the book, fight me, made a promise to Gandalf. “Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee,” and is never once tempted by the ring, because the ring itself cannot corrupt what is incorruptible. Sam makes a promise and sets his life to upholding it. If he gives his word, he’s going to keep it or die trying. He promised Frodo that he’d get him to the mountain, and he damn well did, even carrying him when they were both broken and exhausted. 

Each of these men saw “being a man” differently, but each one acted exactly the same. They stood by their convictions and never wavered, even when temptation struck, they held to their beliefs and lived their lives the way they saw fit. 

Diego does the same here, realizing that he’d been told his whole time as a Kindred that he was meant to stay in the shadows, that he was weak, that his value came from his survival, but in his heart Diego knew that wasn’t who he was. He struggled, however, to determine what he was more afraid of: dying the final death, or giving up who he was told he was to risk being who he wanted to be. 

Johnson, Carl, and the Ruthlessness of Lasombra

One of my favorite parts of Vampire is the compulsions of the clans. Each one has something uniquely them that unveils a little bit more of their character. Lasombra got ruthlessness, meaning that once your compulsion strikes you (usually after a messy critical or a triggering event) you need to act in a certain way, and will be debuffed to any behavior that doesn’t fit the needs of the compulsion. Sometimes in a fight scene like this, I go for the rule of cool. Sometimes I roll for outcomes, and sometimes those outcomes inspire the way a story goes. Diego’s opening volley got a messy critical, meaning his compulsion came out just as he was finally letting loose. 

Here was where I took a little inspiration from a childhood favorite of mine, Animorphs. See, there was a character in the series named Marco who often gets relegated to the comic relief. They forget that he was the one who saw the big picture, he was able to make the impossible leaps between what was in front of them and what the end results could be. He was able to lay that plan out for their leader in a way that he could imagine the terrible things, but wasn’t the one executing them. If he led, if he made these calls, the others would probably flinch away, but by using his humor and acting as a vizir to Jake, he managed to stay under the radar. 

Most notably he’s said: "People don't understand the word ruthless. They think it means 'mean.' It's not about being mean. It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It's about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it." And this I feel perfectly encapsulates what it means to be a Lasombra. Diego saw that bright line here, knowing full well that he could kill all those ghouls, but wanted to test his limits, see what he was capable of now that he let himself off the leash. Did he need to have Johnson kill himself? No. So why did he?

To know if he could get him to do it.

I remind you, they are our protagonists. They are not heroes. Just like how the Animorphs were child soldiers just trying to survive. Here is where we start to understand Diego a little more. He has the power now, and he’s had his training wheels taken off. Much like Callie, you should be asking yourself… what’s he going to do about this?