Day 3: What I Fight For
I have attempted to write this particular reflection a few times, scrapping and trying again to come up with a reflection to accompany this chapter of Albany by Night. The prompt itself was hard when I started this project. I was still feeling out Cassandra and her place in the world she found herself in. To start this, I figured out a few truths (to me at least).
Everyone either has or is searching for a purpose. The Barbie movie had brought me (and plenty of others) to tears with that song done by Billie Elish questioning “what was I made for”. What is my purpose?
Everyone has plans, hopes, dreams, wishes or is trying to make them work. Make them become a reality. Some may say God has a plan for them even if we do not know it ourselves. Whether we believe it’s true or not is up to each individual. Knowing what your path is or what your convictions are tells a lot about the quality of a person.
Everyone should have a moral compass that guides their actions. (Of course not everyone who should have a moral compass does and yet others suffer from sticking to theirs).
These have been things I’ve struggled with for a while. Finding my place, my purpose, and by extension finding what I would fight for-in theory and in practice.
Growing up it was very much pressed on me the importance of service-to family, to the community, to our church. You do what you can, as much as you can. To help people outside of myself, to volunteer my time and talents even when tithes or money was tight. This is clearly a byproduct of being raised in the church.
I was raised to serve and help others, which probably fueled my people pleasing tendencies. It’s something I’ve been working on for the past few years. I have gotten better at standing up for myself. But it’s much easier to advocate for other people outside of myself. If they’re good, if they’re taken care of, then I’ll be fine too. That’s how it works, right?
Some would call it a crisis of faith, not knowing where you fit in or if you’re actually making a difference at all. A struggle in a society that takes advantage of those who do things in service of others.
So how does a Kindred grapple with these things while coming to terms with their new lease on life (or unlife) as it were? If I as myself struggle with these things, of course Cassandra as my vampire self would also have these doubts, these ponderings.
But she has Alistair-Gandalf, her sire to bounce philosophy off of. People who want to do good, to fight against their nature or even best interest to help others.
So at her-my-heart we fight for those around us who need it. We may not be able to do as much as we’d hope, but we can do what is in our power to do.
Because for Kindred, at the end of the day they will still be in this world for many years to come Cain willing. So we may as well try to make the world a better place, leave things better than we found it as Mollymauk from the Mighty Nein said.
That is what I would fight for.
And that is what drives Cassandra.