Reflection: The Final Push
Okay, before I even start on the reflection here, I love how I inadvertently mirrored Grey and Natalia here where chapters 7 and 8 both started with them threatening someone in a very similar way. And if it was intentional, I don’t remember and should have probably just said it was and take the credit… Anyway, back to my reread. I kinda like to reflect on it all at once rather than point by point, so let’s see what happens!
Didn’t even make it halfway through before popping over here wanting to start talking about what’s going on in the story. Specifically, Grey’s business idea. Now, it's pretty obvious that what he’s suggesting here was just a means of connecting with Isadora, attracting the Hecate Clan who is obsessed with what is old through a business model that focuses on older items, but honestly, I think my favorite part about this is the fact that I would totally pay $30 a month to be able to just rent some of these tools for a week. I have stated before, and if I haven’t I’ll state it now, I have AuDHD, which is a fun little mix of autism and ADHD, and my ADHD has caused me to become interested in, and collect equipment for, many different hobbies. These include, but are not limited to:
Snowboarding
SCUBA Diving
Archery
Resin Casting
3D Printing
Miniature Painting
War Gaming
TTRPGs (obviously)
Writing (even more obviously)
Gardening
Mead making
Wood working
And many more…
The problem I often run into is that I collect the tools and equipment, use it for a short period of time, then store it in a closet, storage unit, or end up needing to give it away because I haven’t used it in years. Seriously, my SCUBA equipment is probably 20 years old at this point, and desperately needs a tune up before going anywhere with anyone, least of all underwater. There are several things currently on my radar that I would love to take the time to learn or develop as skills including pottery (thanks so much Great Pottery Throw Down) and blacksmithing. However, if I were to try and take up either of those as a long term hobby… I fear they would turn out the same way. Not ideal. But with Grey’s plan… which I need to remember that as the author is really my plan, I could manage to try these things out and not suffer major financial loss. I think it’s a great idea. Feel free to steal it and get it up and running if you’re industrious enough. Just let me know how it goes and if it ends up in the Charlotte area at any time.
Honestly, I really feel like Chapter 8 is where I hit my stride with writing this story, where everything just kind of… fell into place. Mostly, I think, it was because the coterie was starting to come together, and I had other characters to bounce off of. Diego Navarro was loosely based on a Lasombra character I played a few times, a private detective who acted like a womanizer to cover up his own discomfort at the dating scene and had a preference for feeding on those who would dare harm children. He was an unrefined concept, a character who had the potential for a great deal of power though thought himself limited to the stealthy and reserved role of a spy because of his clan. As he began to develop and his own story and personality began to blossom, I began to feel myself enjoying writing for him more than for Grey. Diego felt like someone I would want to be friends with in the real world, a man who feigns confidence but not to the point of arrogance, still kept his sense of humor, and treated others with respect but wouldn’t hesitate on calling them out on their bullshit. The little tit-for-tat he and Grey had in this chapter solidified him for me as a necessary part of the coterie.
Finally we come to Isadora. She is… a lot of things to me. Not based on any person, and not pulling an Oda here and trying to write myself a wife into existence (seriously people, going through my first watch of One Piece, love it, and you know about the hyperfixation thing, there are going to be a lot of references). Despite Grey being a version of me that I would want to be more like (and less like at the same time) Isadora is not a stand in for a romantic interest, despite the totally unnecessary spoiler warning for the fact that she is indeed going to become Grey’s romantic interest.
For me, a romantic partner needs to be someone who seeks to help you grow as a person; build you up to help you cover your blind spots and become a greater version of yourself. Now, I may have designed her to have many physical qualities I appreciate in a woman, it was the qualities of her personality that I fine tuned to reflect Grey’s blindspots as well as mirror him. She’s meant to show him his weaknesses while also showing that a person like both of them isn’t broken. Isadora isn’t a manic pixie girl, she’s put together, self sufficient, and doesn’t need him. However, that’s not to say that she’s not interested by him. Note I said by him, not in him.
Shippers, you’ve got a slow burn in front of you.
Growth was really the key point of them both in this story. They both need it, but in different ways. You’ll see more about Isadora’s story as it unfolds, but Grey’s is a bit more obvious. As he focuses on building his reputation and power as a Kindred, he’s pushing back on the qualities that made him a more likeable person in real life. While he’s kept my sense of justice and desire to put bullies in their place, he’s become more aggressive, more arrogant, and far crueler in how he approaches problems. He’s still right about what he says and does (as I’m sure I feel I am when I have to deal with something), however rather than discussing how or why he feels he’s right, he assumes he can’t be wrong and that other people are incapable of being right when they disagree with him…
Now you see the true importance of Isadora going forward.
I’ll admit, I do need someone to put me in my place from time to time when I think I’m right and am actually deserving of a reality check. It’s just a wonderful thing for Grey that he’s got a gorgeous goth to do that for him.
The last piece I’d like to leave you with here is the argument I put at the end of the chapter. This comes up a lot with friends of mine and myself. Oftentimes I will express that I am not a good person. There are things I do and have done that I’m not proud of, parts of myself that are darker and crueler than I want to be, and a rigidity in my thinking that often makes me feel that the clear cut blacks and whites of my worldview make me somewhat heartless. Sometimes I worry that deep inside there is a monster lurking. For Grey, there really is one, and if I feel this way about myself in this world, I can only imagine what I would feel about myself in his position while living in the World of Darkness. Isadora here, takes on the role of my friends, who reassure me that these feelings are lies I tell myself, that I really am a good person, or at least I’m a better person than I think I am.
I’m still working on believing them, but life is, after all, a journey. We’ll just have to see where it goes from here, and where the monster within wishes to sink its fangs. Perhaps we’ll learn more about that next week…
